When I hopped in the car with my parents and brother to drive to World Race training camp, I’m not quite sure what I expected, but whatever it was, it wasn’t what I got. Every day was packed from beginning to end with scheduled sessions, team meetings, worship, meals, and prayer. Add in porta potties, tents flooding, and snorers in the next tent door, and you get a comical and quite crazy week! I’m so thankful for the full schedule because each moment was so intentionally planned to prepare me for Guatemala and draw me closer to my Father, but by the middle of the week, the go-go-go mentality was starting to wear me down. Coming into the trip, I was emotionally and spiritually exhausted, and, although I learned so much over training week and had several breakthroughs with the Lord, the crazy schedule and weary heart did not make for a relaxing week. So what did I do? I continued to push-push-push…in my own strength. Ooof. Never a good idea, MK.
In my prayer times with the Lord, I could hear Him gently calling me to rest in Him with verses like Matthew 11:28 (Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.), and John 14:27 (Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid). But I didn’t really want to let go of control and let Him hold me, so I blazed on. The leaders set up the schedule so that we would take our Sabbath on Saturday at the end of training week, and I could not wait for that rest day. On our Sabbath, one of my leaders told us that taking a rest day was one of the Ten Commandments meaning that it was a command. She said that, just like all the other nine, this commandment was not optional, and it was actually disobedience to not take a Sabbath. Mind blown. And deeply convicted.
I realized that I had been running from the rest my Father offered me for the whole week because I was scared of what would happen if I gave everything into His hands and let go. I felt as if my worth depended on me having everything together and getting it all done, when really my worth was already set in my Savior’s blood when it dripped down the cross for me. My pride told me I could only depend on myself to get everything done, while my Father invited me to depend on Him and just be a daughter, delighting in her Dad.
The rest of my Sabbath, I had to pack up to fly out, so I did not have any set aside time to rest in the Lord, although I caught moments to spend with Him. I was deeply disappointed, but also so ready to finally get to Guatemala and start ministry. Saturday night, we slept on the airport floor (1.5 hours of sleep), which did not help the whole rest situation, and Sunday morning, I flew out exhausted. And yet, the Lord knew what I needed. I finally rested in Him and relinquished control as He gently put me to sleep on my flight. I slept harder and woke up more refreshed than I had in months, and when I got up and off the plane, He filled me with His peace and joy!
My Father was still taking care of His daughter, even in the moments when I tried my hardest to take care of myself. He knew what was right and best. Even when I told Him “no”, He still gave it to me in His love. I definitely still don’t have this whole rest thing down, but He’s showing me day-by-day how to let Him be God, allowing me to be a daughter, free of any expectation to get it all perfect. Thank You, Father, for showing me that time spent with you is more preciou than time I spend doing anything else. Thank you for revealing to me that I do not have to do anything to earn Your love or show you I’m enough.
This week, my sweet Father showed me the depths of His love for me as His daughter. I can’t wait to see what He’s going to do in the next three!
Thank you so much for your prayers!
MK Lumsdaine
I’m praying for you, dear one! Thank you for sharing about your week and what God is teaching you. 💗 It inspires me!
Mary Kay,
Your comments on rest really resonate with me. I pray God deepens this lesson for you now with so much life to live. It is still a hard lesson for me at 75. Thank you for sharing your heart and your journey with us. Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.”
Ahhh you’re there! Yes training camp is quite the refining. Keep pushing into the sweet goodness of the Lord! Looking forward to hearing more!
Camp is going so well and so many young gals interested in missions. Bella shared on World Race and Ella shared on ywam
You’re so wise to just keep your eyes on the Lord! May He bless you doing that and may you never forget His immense love, especially when life is so hard. Praying for your time in Guatemala!
I’ve been praying for you, Mary Kate, as you’ve embarked on this adventure to serve God, share His love, and grow in Him. I love your heart for the Lord and your intentionality in learning wisdom.
Dear Mary Kate, Thank you for this encouraging, honest, beautiful post! I (Aunt Janice) especially needed to read about your understanding of your need to rest in Jesus rather than depend upon yourself. I could really identify with that challenge! I find, more and more, that my idealistic, perfectionistic approach to life doesn’t work well. I’m so thankful that the Lord is patient with me and is working to free me from my “performance-based” attempts to “do it right” in my own strength! Your blog reinforced the conviction that I need to rest in Him and enjoy His sufficiency! Thank you! We are praying for you as you serve there in Guatemala! With love, Uncle Tim and Aunt Janice
Glad your leader is emphasizing the Sabbath. Like the Lord set us up to sleep, and we suffer if we don’t sleep enough, the Sabbath rest was set up for our health–and I’m afraid our society is suffering from not remembering (practicing) and setting apart to the Lord, this day.
Personally, I’m excited about the 2-day weekend as a gracious gift from the Lord: the first Sabbath (7th day) honoring His creation and the second Sabbath (first day of the week) remembering His resurrection!